Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
