lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
