I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
