We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
