No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
