Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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