47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
