I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
this boner is exhausting
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
