I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
