True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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