I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
