my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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