so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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