I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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