I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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