just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
