Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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