Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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