i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
