Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
