I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
