Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
