going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
