From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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