and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
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Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
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your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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