yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
