I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
