hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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