Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
