I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
