Moan for me like Helen Keller
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
