I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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