He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
