You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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