It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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