so that wasnt chicken after all
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
