gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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