when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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