is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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