Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
