I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
