no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Who did Billy Mays play for?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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