I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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