you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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