i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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