honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Your cock deserves a montage
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
