Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize