He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
