I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
