Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
