The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
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Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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