Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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