So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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