tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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