How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
