apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
