it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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