Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
