woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
