it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
