You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
