Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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