If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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