So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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