You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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