I could have mohawked her pubes.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
