Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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