And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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