bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
